And they are off......

Well after crying out for so long for a hint of audience participation it would be a shame not to answer Nick’s call and write a bit of an update on the training.
I have been training well albeit loosing 7 days last week when my father was in town. However the goal of actually running the Shanghai half marathon has taken a bit of a turn for the worst. You see they closed the registrations and I was on the wrong side of the equation at the time. So after I pleaded for them to let me enter and being given the’ talk to the let because you know you ain’t right’ treatment. I left it with saying ‘ well I’m just going to turn up anyway see you on the 30th of November. So at this stage I can’t run. But I hope to find an alternative means of entering the race, somehow.

So that was a terrible effort from me. But also a bad effort from them that their office was a 40 minute cab ride away and I had to register in person during work hours, so that I could sit their prescribed health check.
To be honest I am not sure what the health check is designed to achieve. I mean if I think there is a good chance my heart might explode at the halfway mark then I would probably weigh pro and cons of entering. What are they taking, a resting pulse rate? I am sorry sir you haven’t got a pulse it appears you may be suffering from what we call dead and therefore fail the minimum entry requirement and are unable to take part.please try again next year?

I will continue training anyway and will consider making a rival rebel league marathon race on the same day. I ran my fastest 1500 on Wednesday at 4:48 happy with the improvement. But at this stage Nick Willis is still going to lap me in a 1500m which is a not ideal. So still plenty of work to be done. Although I notice that Nick Willis is a lean 69 kg’s. And if we are honest about it, me carting an extra 26kgs around the track is holding me back somewhat. So before the gun goes off. Ill give Nick 57 packets of anchor 1pound butter and see how that affects his race. Although in saying that I am not sure where he would put it. To be honest I am not sure where I put it either. What you going to do with all the junk? 57 packets of butter, seems a bit high. Either we fight fair or I start petitioning the Olympic committee to create weight grades in track events. Then I might find myself in the black trunks jostling for position on the heavyweight division starter line.

Lets make it complicated

I went to Hong Kong for the Bledisloe the other week, but we can talk about that later.
Once off the plane there are several key decisions one has to make which determine the enjoyment of the next 1 ½ hours of your life. It is unfortunate you often have to make these important decisions when your legs don’t quite have all their feeling and your sinus are still at 32,000 feet.

It bemuses me how difficult and time consuming the next two tasks are. Firstly, Convince this country you are not dodgy, despite you passport photo looking like you are a recovering alcoholic in regression. Task two, nn a slightly more demanding and inquisitive way you ask, can I have my stuff back?

Once off the plane I always make a fairly solid attempt to beat as many people as possible to the counter. Made easier by a long walk and most passengers having short legs. These Asian hub airpoints really sort the endurance passengers from the faders who are still waking up or weighed down by too much free soft drink.

At immigration you have to pick which queue will do the business. You always have a couple of queues to chose from. You quickly weigh up any advantage in ratio of passengers to number of immigration officers. Similarly you have to weigh up the passengers in the queue who look like they will have a tough time getting in. We all have basic training in this from our trips to KFC to be suspicious of the Pacific Island family who is ordering on behalf of the 5 tables of people sitting down by the window.
Making snap un PC judgments based on appearances is a bit harder in Asian airports because most passengers look the same or are well-dressed whiteys with nothing to hide. It is far easier in LAX where you are asking for trouble lining up behind a South American family. The Arabian brothers are usually ok until their study purposes explanation, is ‘I’m here to attend a flight school’

Anyway, I thought I had picked my queue well but got jipped when one of our two processors went full time onto a VIP queue. We were down to one guy who took his job way to seriously. By the time I got to him after nearly 50 minutes (which is like dog years in an airport.)I made the slightly miscalculated mistake of lobbing my passport in frustration rather than delicately placing it down like a loaded weapon. He looked up a bit stunned and asked in rhetorical manner if there was a problem. Having been silently simmering in the queue, I was so ready to unleash the beast but thought better of utilizing this particular moment. I said there was no problem and on he went.

We hadn’t got off on the right foot. So I think he was looking for ways to make mischief. Hard to do when travelling on a Kiwi passport because everyone loves us. Although he did drum up a curly question to try and trick me when he asked what my name was. This must be the one thing people forget to remember when presenting falsified travel documents.

Detention avoided now on to find me luggage. I was wondering where it was when I remembered I didn’t have any to wait for. Some habits are hard to break. The good thing about travelling with my fellow Asian is that they treat the carry on luggage rules like their traffic lights. Its often like they have nipped into Pak ‘ n save and done the weekly shop before then got on board. So I have now taken to taking the piss too and usually avoid have to check anything in. The way of the future I reckon.