Finally got down to the police station on Monday. I was 5 days late to register, but sweet as. Every time I leave the country or change address I need to go the police station and re register. It is a bit of pain so one must try and be prepared with every necessary document. If something goes wrong you definitely have to phone a friend, as asking the audience is fruitless if you get in to trouble.
I had to pay homage to the red tape brigade again yesterday. I had to go and get the necessary health checks for my Work Permit. Yes that’s right I am still not quite legal to work here yet.
The medial test was out of this world. I had to report to this hospital which is called the Entry and exit inspection and quarantine hospital.
It was the most efficient thing I have ever been to. Check-in. Then go to the first room in the corridor fill out the form. Go pay your fee in another room. Then you go to another room and get your kit off. The robes were definitely over runs from a Jedi knight convention. Which made me feel awesome. I then wondered if my light saber would be part of any of the upcoming health checks.
I then went to the far end of the corridor. Where they took some blood.
Came out of there. Went into the next room where the nice man took my chest x-ray. I like that fact that he had to leave the room to take the picture and didn’t even have the courtesy to cover my nuts for me.
Don’t worry mate I am sure my three handed children will give great high fives.
Then I got all lubed up for the ultrasound. Luckily they couldn’t make out anything. I think I saw the nurse write something about fatty build up. I should have explained there was no build up and this is just the way I came out.
Then I saw the eye doctor. Which is always a good start to a vision test.
I then had a sneaky ECG to finish and I was done. Whilst highly efficient it was slightly dehumanizing. I am sure Fisher and Pykel Dish draws get more how’s your father on the production line.
I get my results next week and as long as I haven’t unwittingly contracted the bubonic plague I should be allowed to stay.
We had a fantastic thunder and lightening storm last night. It was pissing down like four drunks at a urinal all night. The thunder was super loud and the lightening was forking all over the place. It was like the perfect storm. I wish I had a hot milo and was under a tin roof.
This storm bucked the trend as by in large things are getting very hot and sweaty here. I do miss a nice gentle Wellington sea breeze.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Shanghai Act II: Back in the Habit
It has nearly been one week back on deck here in Shanghai. I have again made contact and infiltrated myself among my Shanghainese brethren.
A week in the NZ air had been a real highlight on the return journey. However, it did make the first couple of days here a bit of a battle. I had forgotten how much of Shanghai smells like an old mans stale armpit.
The temperature is starting to climb up here. I think we are politely tapping on the door of the thirties now. Which is a bit of a daunting thought, given it doesn’t start getting proper hot until July. So I am going to have to sit tight here and prepare for the worst. In fact given my partiality to having a good bead I think I should probably find myself a snorkel for those 42-45 degree days.
I have been getting into a bit of sporty spice recently, which has been great. I had cricket practice on Saturday morning followed by a game of football. I stayed in goal for most of the game. When our fate was sealed I thought I would have bit of a run up front. I was in the game for about 60 seconds when I fell over trying to tackle and nailed me knee. So I hobbled back into goal with a rapturous applause from my laughing teammates.
Cricket on Sunday was a good time. We play 35 over games in the boiling heat. I was pouring with sweat after my first throw down.
Me and the other opener put on 89 runs before we had to stop play because his third six in a row landed in the middle of a Buick bonnet outside of the park and caused a bit a scene. So the best Chinese speaker form our team had to go over and negotiate on a settlement before the police were called.
I lost another partner before also losing my own wicket. I was slashing at a rather wide delivery and got a top edge straight to the keeper. I had gained 35 runs and lost about 35 liters of sweat.
We ended up posting 250 off our 35 overs which the other team overhauled needing two runs off the last ball. Stink bro.
On a different note I have embarked on a bit of a work related side project. As a customer reward scheme I am going to high five every person I walk past wearing adidas sneakers or apparel. This is actually pretty ambitious given the population size, there is a bit of it around. You also have to be pretty onto it because there are also lots of imposter's. Brands like adidads. Adida, adids, aids etc are out there trying to snake a sneaky high five too. So there will be plenty of times where I will have to leave some people hanging once I am close enough to realize they are trying to pull a sneaky on me.
The other highlight of my arrival back was going to a Chinese acrobatic show. Some of the stuff going on was unreal. There were crazy feats of strength and flexibility. 12 chicks cycling around on one bike. Guys jumping through hoops about 3 meters of the ground. I am sure they were setting Olympic records for the high jump. The only act that got shafted was this magician that keep pulling white doves out of thin air. The crowd wasn’t really having a bar of it because these half dazed doves had obviously spent the last 20 minutes stuffed in her sleeves and underpants. It is no way to live and the American tour bus crowd were not that forth coming with the clap offering. It is fair to say she was about as popular as Helen Clark in Marae on Waitangi day.
A week in the NZ air had been a real highlight on the return journey. However, it did make the first couple of days here a bit of a battle. I had forgotten how much of Shanghai smells like an old mans stale armpit.
The temperature is starting to climb up here. I think we are politely tapping on the door of the thirties now. Which is a bit of a daunting thought, given it doesn’t start getting proper hot until July. So I am going to have to sit tight here and prepare for the worst. In fact given my partiality to having a good bead I think I should probably find myself a snorkel for those 42-45 degree days.
I have been getting into a bit of sporty spice recently, which has been great. I had cricket practice on Saturday morning followed by a game of football. I stayed in goal for most of the game. When our fate was sealed I thought I would have bit of a run up front. I was in the game for about 60 seconds when I fell over trying to tackle and nailed me knee. So I hobbled back into goal with a rapturous applause from my laughing teammates.
Cricket on Sunday was a good time. We play 35 over games in the boiling heat. I was pouring with sweat after my first throw down.
Me and the other opener put on 89 runs before we had to stop play because his third six in a row landed in the middle of a Buick bonnet outside of the park and caused a bit a scene. So the best Chinese speaker form our team had to go over and negotiate on a settlement before the police were called.
I lost another partner before also losing my own wicket. I was slashing at a rather wide delivery and got a top edge straight to the keeper. I had gained 35 runs and lost about 35 liters of sweat.
We ended up posting 250 off our 35 overs which the other team overhauled needing two runs off the last ball. Stink bro.
On a different note I have embarked on a bit of a work related side project. As a customer reward scheme I am going to high five every person I walk past wearing adidas sneakers or apparel. This is actually pretty ambitious given the population size, there is a bit of it around. You also have to be pretty onto it because there are also lots of imposter's. Brands like adidads. Adida, adids, aids etc are out there trying to snake a sneaky high five too. So there will be plenty of times where I will have to leave some people hanging once I am close enough to realize they are trying to pull a sneaky on me.
The other highlight of my arrival back was going to a Chinese acrobatic show. Some of the stuff going on was unreal. There were crazy feats of strength and flexibility. 12 chicks cycling around on one bike. Guys jumping through hoops about 3 meters of the ground. I am sure they were setting Olympic records for the high jump. The only act that got shafted was this magician that keep pulling white doves out of thin air. The crowd wasn’t really having a bar of it because these half dazed doves had obviously spent the last 20 minutes stuffed in her sleeves and underpants. It is no way to live and the American tour bus crowd were not that forth coming with the clap offering. It is fair to say she was about as popular as Helen Clark in Marae on Waitangi day.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sneaky, Sneaky
Well I have a little confession to make. The reason I was a bit lite on entries last week was that I was in NZ. You can't really blog about a city you are not in. There ended up being a bit of a visa saga, which meant I had to apply for my visa back in Wellington in person. I had to low key it as it was just weird to be home so soon after my farewell.
So I had to fly with a sinus infection, which wasn’t ideal. It felt like my head was trying to compact itself into one of those single serve milk containers. Once home I had to hibernate for a few days. I think my lungs were justified in their request for some r&r.
The main good time was that I was able to pick up all my cricket gear. And on return smuggle in ten bottles of wine and stock up on all the NZ goodies. I don’t think my colleagues were as excited about pineapple lumps as I was. But flag em. At least when I get them to try one of my countries traditional delicacies there isn’t a 50/50 chance they’ll have a hot date with the ceramic Dalton that evening.
Now a few average to poor things tainted my visit home.
I paid my beloved Colombo st flat a visit on the Monday morning. There is blimmin never any parks there anymore so I sneaked onto a not quite a park. I proceeded to fall asleep on the couch at Colombo. I got back to my car about 4 hours later to find a welcome home note from the city council on my car. However, I soon realized it was not actually a gift voucher for $60. I had knowingly been flirting with their broken yella lines.
I would like to argue it was the most legitimate illegal park I have ever seen. But I don’t think that would hold much weight as a defence.
Parking tickets really do annoy me. Especially when you are in the suburbs. There are no parking meters out there. What the heck is parkwise doing out in Newtown? Well I guess the question has really just answered itself.
Not wanting to loose too much face over it. I responded in my normal cool, calm and collected manner. I lifted my windscreen wiper, scrunched up the ticket and then proceeded to eat it.
I pretty much think that the whole parking warden situation in Wellington is shifty. It is about as shifty as being the mayor when your developer husband needs council approval to build out of spec apartments buildings all over town.
It doesn’t seam right that you can increase revenue by hiring more wardens to snap more people. What’s that about?
Anyway, I would rather my son told me he was a parking warden than a tow truck driver. That has to be the dirtiest underhanded profession there is. I would almost rather my kid came home and send he wanted to be French when he grew up. But not quite.
The worst thing that happened in NZ was the last thing that happened.
I got pulled aside at the old security baggage scan. I hadn’t shaved for a couple of days so I think I got picked up on Arab cam.
I had put Marmite in my carry on to try and more evenly distribute the 68 kg luggage I was craftily sneaking back to Shangers. I would not have classified Marmite as a liquid or a gel personally but they did. So my beloved yeasty spread was tossed into the bin.
My thoughts immediately drifted to my now spreadless Vogels that was in my checked baggage. But then I remembered the 1kg Sanitirum Crunchy Peanut Butter in my other bag.
The worst thing about it was the way this woman was incredibly patronizing about it. She could have been way more sensitive to my feelings during my time of loss. Hunting down Marmite in Shanghai is akin to searching for Moa in Fiordland.
Well good to know that if I have to return back to NZ one day there is no shortage of things to rant about.
I am now readjusting back into life here. It really is a bit noisy. I think I need to buy one of those CDs for my apartment that has all the NZ birds chirping in the trees.
So I had to fly with a sinus infection, which wasn’t ideal. It felt like my head was trying to compact itself into one of those single serve milk containers. Once home I had to hibernate for a few days. I think my lungs were justified in their request for some r&r.
The main good time was that I was able to pick up all my cricket gear. And on return smuggle in ten bottles of wine and stock up on all the NZ goodies. I don’t think my colleagues were as excited about pineapple lumps as I was. But flag em. At least when I get them to try one of my countries traditional delicacies there isn’t a 50/50 chance they’ll have a hot date with the ceramic Dalton that evening.
Now a few average to poor things tainted my visit home.
I paid my beloved Colombo st flat a visit on the Monday morning. There is blimmin never any parks there anymore so I sneaked onto a not quite a park. I proceeded to fall asleep on the couch at Colombo. I got back to my car about 4 hours later to find a welcome home note from the city council on my car. However, I soon realized it was not actually a gift voucher for $60. I had knowingly been flirting with their broken yella lines.
I would like to argue it was the most legitimate illegal park I have ever seen. But I don’t think that would hold much weight as a defence.
Parking tickets really do annoy me. Especially when you are in the suburbs. There are no parking meters out there. What the heck is parkwise doing out in Newtown? Well I guess the question has really just answered itself.
Not wanting to loose too much face over it. I responded in my normal cool, calm and collected manner. I lifted my windscreen wiper, scrunched up the ticket and then proceeded to eat it.
I pretty much think that the whole parking warden situation in Wellington is shifty. It is about as shifty as being the mayor when your developer husband needs council approval to build out of spec apartments buildings all over town.
It doesn’t seam right that you can increase revenue by hiring more wardens to snap more people. What’s that about?
Anyway, I would rather my son told me he was a parking warden than a tow truck driver. That has to be the dirtiest underhanded profession there is. I would almost rather my kid came home and send he wanted to be French when he grew up. But not quite.
The worst thing that happened in NZ was the last thing that happened.
I got pulled aside at the old security baggage scan. I hadn’t shaved for a couple of days so I think I got picked up on Arab cam.
I had put Marmite in my carry on to try and more evenly distribute the 68 kg luggage I was craftily sneaking back to Shangers. I would not have classified Marmite as a liquid or a gel personally but they did. So my beloved yeasty spread was tossed into the bin.
My thoughts immediately drifted to my now spreadless Vogels that was in my checked baggage. But then I remembered the 1kg Sanitirum Crunchy Peanut Butter in my other bag.
The worst thing about it was the way this woman was incredibly patronizing about it. She could have been way more sensitive to my feelings during my time of loss. Hunting down Marmite in Shanghai is akin to searching for Moa in Fiordland.
Well good to know that if I have to return back to NZ one day there is no shortage of things to rant about.
I am now readjusting back into life here. It really is a bit noisy. I think I need to buy one of those CDs for my apartment that has all the NZ birds chirping in the trees.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Medic!
My man flu decided to upgrade itself to a sinus infection. Basically, because my nose had been working overtime to try and get some breathable air into my lungs in Shanghai. This is a 24/7 job which my usually ornamental nose was unaccustomed to.
I can say with out a shadow of doubt this has been the most painful experience of my life. More so than the time a hockey ball broke my nose and more so than when my brother smashed me in the head with a cricket bat. The pain has been super ongoing intense. It feels much like someone it standing on your bindi spot with stiletto heals all day. It is unbelievable/ I gave it the kiwi male she’ll be right for 3 days but tonight as I went to bed it was like my pillow was a vice. I never get like this about pain. But this time it was different.
I think the drugs the pharmacist had given me were straight out of the 50c pick 'n' mix bag from the dairy next door.
Realizing sleep was not going to happen I had to figure out where the A and E clinic was in Shanghai. It happened to be ages away. Like Newtown to Porirua ages.
Taxi drivers here just don’t do maps. They are flipping useless. I assume other than sheer poverty this is the main reason people can’t leave China. Because they can’t read maps in order to find there way to the airport or dock. It is actually ridiculous. The driver is fine until you get within about 500m of your destination but then the driver becomes about as useful as Chinese family hand me downs.
Nonetheless I made it to the hospital. I would assume this was a very exclusive private hospital as the service was ace. It was probably related to it being 2am. But I went straight in to see a nurse in about 4 minutes including filling out the form time. The doctor was in about 3 minutes after her. It was like what a health system should be. If heaven needed hospitals they would be like this. They then brought all my drugs into me in a bag. With all the directions written out and they sent me on my merry way. I wanted to give the hospital staff my Shanghai 5 of the week.
I can say with out a shadow of doubt this has been the most painful experience of my life. More so than the time a hockey ball broke my nose and more so than when my brother smashed me in the head with a cricket bat. The pain has been super ongoing intense. It feels much like someone it standing on your bindi spot with stiletto heals all day. It is unbelievable/ I gave it the kiwi male she’ll be right for 3 days but tonight as I went to bed it was like my pillow was a vice. I never get like this about pain. But this time it was different.
I think the drugs the pharmacist had given me were straight out of the 50c pick 'n' mix bag from the dairy next door.
Realizing sleep was not going to happen I had to figure out where the A and E clinic was in Shanghai. It happened to be ages away. Like Newtown to Porirua ages.
Taxi drivers here just don’t do maps. They are flipping useless. I assume other than sheer poverty this is the main reason people can’t leave China. Because they can’t read maps in order to find there way to the airport or dock. It is actually ridiculous. The driver is fine until you get within about 500m of your destination but then the driver becomes about as useful as Chinese family hand me downs.
Nonetheless I made it to the hospital. I would assume this was a very exclusive private hospital as the service was ace. It was probably related to it being 2am. But I went straight in to see a nurse in about 4 minutes including filling out the form time. The doctor was in about 3 minutes after her. It was like what a health system should be. If heaven needed hospitals they would be like this. They then brought all my drugs into me in a bag. With all the directions written out and they sent me on my merry way. I wanted to give the hospital staff my Shanghai 5 of the week.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Making yourself at home
One thing I had explained to me the other day was that Shangahi used to be a terribly noisy place. There were so many horns honking you could barely hear yourself think. Here they blitz one road safety rule a month and after having a no horn month people got the idea that they didn't need to use them. Now, people flash their lights at you if you are driving as badly as they are.
So whilst it is a touch less honky, this had lead to about 30% of drivers driving with no lights on at night. So when you do cut them off they can make even more impact by turning their lights from zilch to full beam.one step forward two steps back.
Indicating is about as pointless as using the pink sky night weather prediction system in Shanghai.
I had a very pleasant lunch experience the other day. The novelty of taking the lau wai out for lunch has worn off for my colleagues. So I am now forced to battle alone for my lunch. I went to a little Japanese place over the bridge yesterday. When they realized it was a table for one they placed me at a table in front of a mirror to give me the feeling of company. I was most impressed, and he was actually surprisingly talkative.
Its not that it smells all the time here but when you stumble upon a real rip snorter it is hard to loose it. Shanghai is one of the few places where farting actually improves the quality of your life. By providing a temporary hiatus from the other smells. Although to be honest I have never been that capable of temporary. I would like to cite exhibit A.
I was visiting my girlfriend in 2000 over a long weekend in Summer. We had been driving around all morning the night after a big feed of Mexican.
When we pulled into the parking lot and she got out of the car. I seized the window of opportunity to quickly let one go. I then got out of the car and quickly closed the door on it. God forbid it should come with me.
We set off to the botanical gardens and to do a bit of shopping.
We arrived back at the car several hours later. We opened the doors and who should be in their to greet us? but my trusty fart, plus about 2 hours of baking on high in the Christchurch sun. I was horrified and a little bit proud and she was distraught, i thought she was going to cry. As much as I tried to blame the bananas we had just brought. The cunning lass figured out what was going on and was so unamused. Hence the method of using ones own ‘fragrances’ to create a pocket of freedom is a high risk strategy.
So whilst it is a touch less honky, this had lead to about 30% of drivers driving with no lights on at night. So when you do cut them off they can make even more impact by turning their lights from zilch to full beam.one step forward two steps back.
Indicating is about as pointless as using the pink sky night weather prediction system in Shanghai.
I had a very pleasant lunch experience the other day. The novelty of taking the lau wai out for lunch has worn off for my colleagues. So I am now forced to battle alone for my lunch. I went to a little Japanese place over the bridge yesterday. When they realized it was a table for one they placed me at a table in front of a mirror to give me the feeling of company. I was most impressed, and he was actually surprisingly talkative.
Its not that it smells all the time here but when you stumble upon a real rip snorter it is hard to loose it. Shanghai is one of the few places where farting actually improves the quality of your life. By providing a temporary hiatus from the other smells. Although to be honest I have never been that capable of temporary. I would like to cite exhibit A.
I was visiting my girlfriend in 2000 over a long weekend in Summer. We had been driving around all morning the night after a big feed of Mexican.
When we pulled into the parking lot and she got out of the car. I seized the window of opportunity to quickly let one go. I then got out of the car and quickly closed the door on it. God forbid it should come with me.
We set off to the botanical gardens and to do a bit of shopping.
We arrived back at the car several hours later. We opened the doors and who should be in their to greet us? but my trusty fart, plus about 2 hours of baking on high in the Christchurch sun. I was horrified and a little bit proud and she was distraught, i thought she was going to cry. As much as I tried to blame the bananas we had just brought. The cunning lass figured out what was going on and was so unamused. Hence the method of using ones own ‘fragrances’ to create a pocket of freedom is a high risk strategy.
Lost in Translation
The language barrier here is an absolute mission. Not only am I going to need to conquer Mandarin. But then I need to master the local dialect of Shanghainese. Which is slightly disheartening considering after nearly a month I have only doubled my original vocab of two phrases.
So inevitable things get lost in translation, namely anything that I say and even more so if I was trying to make a joke.
The communication misadventures go both ways though. Even if Beijing is commonly short ened to BJ. I just don’t think the greatest sporting event in the world should be referred to as the BJ Olympics. I am not quite sure how to broach this subject though.
I do quite like the fact that the Mandarin word for thank you is xie xie. Which is pronounced ‘sher sher’ actually sounds a bit like the bro town’ chur chur’. I more frequently use the later pronunciation and no ones seems to notice.
Interestingly chinesse word for um is pronounced Nigga. So people who are struggling to think of the right word just keep saying nigga nigga. It takes a bit of getting used to. But one has no choice because you hear this word being said all the time. I think it would be horrendously inappropriate but also quite comical to hear a nervous Chinese person deliver a speech in a 4th form speaking contest on the topic of the life of Martin Luther King.
I have a bit of a gross flu / cold at the moment. So,last night I was rehearsing how I was going to act out my symptoms to the pharmacists. I was on a 100% success rate after last week’s charade for in-grown hair. Either I nailed it, or the wily pharmacists found a way to offload some, passed its used-by-date hemorrhoids cream. Either way things are clearing up.
I got in to the chemist this morning and just as I was ready to launch into, first word, sounds like. She pulled out a English to Chinese medical dictionary. Which was obviously super useful but a bit of a let down. Unfortunately, she hadn’t heard of sinuses but she was all over the head ache option.
It was wising down with rain this morning and as I entered the shop I folded up my umbrella. When I went to get out my wallet I was a hand short. in tring to free a hand I made a rookie error, which the shop assistants thought was hilarious. No matter how desperate you are don’t put a wet umbrella between your thighs for safe keeping. It can take a long time to dry and is quite uncomfortable.
Speaking of umbrellas, rainy days here are dangerous affairs. Every bugger is about 5 foot high and once the brolly is up, the spikes are perfectly eye level for me. So you are only ever a gust away from losing half your captain cook brigade.
So inevitable things get lost in translation, namely anything that I say and even more so if I was trying to make a joke.
The communication misadventures go both ways though. Even if Beijing is commonly short ened to BJ. I just don’t think the greatest sporting event in the world should be referred to as the BJ Olympics. I am not quite sure how to broach this subject though.
I do quite like the fact that the Mandarin word for thank you is xie xie. Which is pronounced ‘sher sher’ actually sounds a bit like the bro town’ chur chur’. I more frequently use the later pronunciation and no ones seems to notice.
Interestingly chinesse word for um is pronounced Nigga. So people who are struggling to think of the right word just keep saying nigga nigga. It takes a bit of getting used to. But one has no choice because you hear this word being said all the time. I think it would be horrendously inappropriate but also quite comical to hear a nervous Chinese person deliver a speech in a 4th form speaking contest on the topic of the life of Martin Luther King.
I have a bit of a gross flu / cold at the moment. So,last night I was rehearsing how I was going to act out my symptoms to the pharmacists. I was on a 100% success rate after last week’s charade for in-grown hair. Either I nailed it, or the wily pharmacists found a way to offload some, passed its used-by-date hemorrhoids cream. Either way things are clearing up.
I got in to the chemist this morning and just as I was ready to launch into, first word, sounds like. She pulled out a English to Chinese medical dictionary. Which was obviously super useful but a bit of a let down. Unfortunately, she hadn’t heard of sinuses but she was all over the head ache option.
It was wising down with rain this morning and as I entered the shop I folded up my umbrella. When I went to get out my wallet I was a hand short. in tring to free a hand I made a rookie error, which the shop assistants thought was hilarious. No matter how desperate you are don’t put a wet umbrella between your thighs for safe keeping. It can take a long time to dry and is quite uncomfortable.
Speaking of umbrellas, rainy days here are dangerous affairs. Every bugger is about 5 foot high and once the brolly is up, the spikes are perfectly eye level for me. So you are only ever a gust away from losing half your captain cook brigade.
Monday, May 5, 2008
I have to get this off my chest
There is a little bit of unrest here at the moment towards us Lao Wai. On several occasions over the last couple of days people have called me a Lao Wai as i passed them in the streets. Which even though it is calling a spade a spade, it just doesn't seem right. Am I in the middle of a racist war? I ask myself.
I decided to raise this with one of my colleagues. Citing my brushes with animosity I said 'what is the deal, do you guys not like westerners at the moment?' she said 'no that is not true.' She then said 'dont worry about it. they probably thought you were French.'
Which makes me think, me and the Chinese will get along fine.
Those of you that know me well know that I have little bit of a disliking for the French. Mainly because it is easy and fun to dislike them. Its not a passionately violent wage war thing. Just good old plain passive aggressive.
For me I guess It started with their notable no show on D-day. Fueled further by their Nuclear testing in the south pacific and subsequent blowing up of the Rainbow Warrior, combined with their average to poor management of their colonies in South East Asia. Not to mention knocking the All Blacks out of the World cup, twice. Bribing kids into doing French at school by offering French toast once a term.I didn't even see a single sausage in 5 years of German. the list goes on.
They are potentially some nice ones, maybe, but by en large they are slightly harder to love. My Uncle once tried to tell me I had French blood in me. Which was like telling me I had leprosy. I wanted to go and give blood the next day just to try and get it out.
Okay, I got a bit carried away there, and there is love. But when you think about it, there are plenty of reasons that they, as a nation, are a bit of a blow-out.
There is, to be fair, other things that get to me more than the France dwellers. The thing that drives me most to distraction can be found at traffic lights and elevators. I was really hoping that this phenomenon would not exist in the east, but unfortunately, it is just as prevalent.
Here is how the situation plays out, in foyers and intersections around the world.
There are about 6 of you waiting there. The button has been pushed and the red stop man is staring at you or the white light has back-lit the arrow. As the six of you are patiently waiting. Then along comes number seven. No .7. He walks up and sees us standing there. He then assess the situation and then thinks to himself. – ‘why are all these people waiting here.’
This Nobel Prize candidate strengthens his claim by thinking – ‘They must not know about the button’ so he goes and pushes the already lit button. He then takes a triumphant step back as if to say ‘yup, that ought to do it’
What is the thinking here?, that the light is going to bow down to peer pressure and break into tears and apologetically change its cycle. Unless this person actually is E.T. I don't think he should be trying to claim his index finger has and kind of Jedi power.
If you think he annoys me. There is the odd occasion, when number 8 comes along, assess the situation and also pushes the button . Thinking ’ah, they must not know about the button’ and he triumphantly takes a step back. Instantly you see number 7 giving a condescending look and thinking to himself ‘dah, I already tried that’ . I never can figure out which one I want to punch in the pancreas first.
There is one other thing that has been annoying me. It is surfing the web from China. because every site assumes you are chinese. Google, blogger, Ikea they all convert to Mandarin. and they publish the english button in Chinese as well - awesome.
Do you feel my pain here people?
I decided to raise this with one of my colleagues. Citing my brushes with animosity I said 'what is the deal, do you guys not like westerners at the moment?' she said 'no that is not true.' She then said 'dont worry about it. they probably thought you were French.'
Which makes me think, me and the Chinese will get along fine.
Those of you that know me well know that I have little bit of a disliking for the French. Mainly because it is easy and fun to dislike them. Its not a passionately violent wage war thing. Just good old plain passive aggressive.
For me I guess It started with their notable no show on D-day. Fueled further by their Nuclear testing in the south pacific and subsequent blowing up of the Rainbow Warrior, combined with their average to poor management of their colonies in South East Asia. Not to mention knocking the All Blacks out of the World cup, twice. Bribing kids into doing French at school by offering French toast once a term.I didn't even see a single sausage in 5 years of German. the list goes on.
They are potentially some nice ones, maybe, but by en large they are slightly harder to love. My Uncle once tried to tell me I had French blood in me. Which was like telling me I had leprosy. I wanted to go and give blood the next day just to try and get it out.
Okay, I got a bit carried away there, and there is love. But when you think about it, there are plenty of reasons that they, as a nation, are a bit of a blow-out.
There is, to be fair, other things that get to me more than the France dwellers. The thing that drives me most to distraction can be found at traffic lights and elevators. I was really hoping that this phenomenon would not exist in the east, but unfortunately, it is just as prevalent.
Here is how the situation plays out, in foyers and intersections around the world.
There are about 6 of you waiting there. The button has been pushed and the red stop man is staring at you or the white light has back-lit the arrow. As the six of you are patiently waiting. Then along comes number seven. No .7. He walks up and sees us standing there. He then assess the situation and then thinks to himself. – ‘why are all these people waiting here.’
This Nobel Prize candidate strengthens his claim by thinking – ‘They must not know about the button’ so he goes and pushes the already lit button. He then takes a triumphant step back as if to say ‘yup, that ought to do it’
What is the thinking here?, that the light is going to bow down to peer pressure and break into tears and apologetically change its cycle. Unless this person actually is E.T. I don't think he should be trying to claim his index finger has and kind of Jedi power.
If you think he annoys me. There is the odd occasion, when number 8 comes along, assess the situation and also pushes the button . Thinking ’ah, they must not know about the button’ and he triumphantly takes a step back. Instantly you see number 7 giving a condescending look and thinking to himself ‘dah, I already tried that’ . I never can figure out which one I want to punch in the pancreas first.
There is one other thing that has been annoying me. It is surfing the web from China. because every site assumes you are chinese. Google, blogger, Ikea they all convert to Mandarin. and they publish the english button in Chinese as well - awesome.
Do you feel my pain here people?
long weekend
It has just been Labour weekend here in China. Last year it was 5 days, however this year it was cut down to a sneaky two-day holiday. They changed their mind and decided to spread the holidays out more evenly this year or something. They are pretty fluid with most of the laws here. Things can also change very quickly too. a few people went away, but I spent my time checking out markets and kitting out my new apartment (photos to come).
I finally got to do some laundry in my new abode. I had to hang it on my 22nd storey balcony. My pegs to shirt ratio was about 10 pegs per item. I wasn’t taking any chances.
Back home when you hang your wet washing on the line it needs to be out long enough to get dry, but in before it gets wet again. In Shangahi if you leave it on the line too long it goes all the way back to being dirty again. People hang their washing just about anywhere along the street. You sometimes can't tell if they stuff is on sale or just drying.
On Friday I went to this massive park, much like Central park, called Century park. It cost about 2 bucks to get in which exceeds the yearly entertainment budget of most Chinese. Nonetheless, there was about a million people there enjoying the greenery around the lake.
I also had my first photo-with-a-white-guy experience. This is where Chinese who are not from Shanghai, or who may have had minimal exposure to Westerners, get very excited about seeing a Lao Wai (Chinese word for foreigner).
So to some of these people, seeing me is basically like seeing the Yeti. They run up to you and get their friends to take pictures of them with the Lao Wai. It is a bit random.
On Saturday I hung out with some of the other Kiwis we have up here. We had a BBQ and drank 42 below while listening to Fly My Pretties. just perfect. I have chosen one incident from the evening which I will retell in real time.
I was sitting by the BBQ with by back to the burner. To encourage the BBQ the chef was using a little bit of accelerant. After the second dousing, a medium sized flame went up and a couple of large sparks flew off the grill.
I suddenly felt much warmer on my back. Suspiciously, I turned to him and said. ‘Hey mate, is my back on fire?’ He pointed and replied ‘na, man it’s on the ground’. Feeling increasingly warmer on my back I said’ Are you sure, i'm not on fire? To which he replied. ‘Oh, no sorry, actually, yes you are’. I turned my head and could see a flame going for it on the back of my shirt. I leapt to my feet and had my kit off quicker than a groom on his big night.
I had just brought the shirt that day and wasn't quite ready to give the formaldehyde a test run just yet. Luckily the black marks kind of work in with the pattern so no worries.
I found lots of markets over the weekend, and they are the best I have been to in Asia. So good times in general ,but also very exhausting. If only I had a dollar for every-time someone said 'you want watch sir, how about the DVD.' Then I could probably buy a couple of watches for every dozen propositions.
I finally got to do some laundry in my new abode. I had to hang it on my 22nd storey balcony. My pegs to shirt ratio was about 10 pegs per item. I wasn’t taking any chances.
Back home when you hang your wet washing on the line it needs to be out long enough to get dry, but in before it gets wet again. In Shangahi if you leave it on the line too long it goes all the way back to being dirty again. People hang their washing just about anywhere along the street. You sometimes can't tell if they stuff is on sale or just drying.
On Friday I went to this massive park, much like Central park, called Century park. It cost about 2 bucks to get in which exceeds the yearly entertainment budget of most Chinese. Nonetheless, there was about a million people there enjoying the greenery around the lake.
I also had my first photo-with-a-white-guy experience. This is where Chinese who are not from Shanghai, or who may have had minimal exposure to Westerners, get very excited about seeing a Lao Wai (Chinese word for foreigner).
So to some of these people, seeing me is basically like seeing the Yeti. They run up to you and get their friends to take pictures of them with the Lao Wai. It is a bit random.
On Saturday I hung out with some of the other Kiwis we have up here. We had a BBQ and drank 42 below while listening to Fly My Pretties. just perfect. I have chosen one incident from the evening which I will retell in real time.
I was sitting by the BBQ with by back to the burner. To encourage the BBQ the chef was using a little bit of accelerant. After the second dousing, a medium sized flame went up and a couple of large sparks flew off the grill.
I suddenly felt much warmer on my back. Suspiciously, I turned to him and said. ‘Hey mate, is my back on fire?’ He pointed and replied ‘na, man it’s on the ground’. Feeling increasingly warmer on my back I said’ Are you sure, i'm not on fire? To which he replied. ‘Oh, no sorry, actually, yes you are’. I turned my head and could see a flame going for it on the back of my shirt. I leapt to my feet and had my kit off quicker than a groom on his big night.
I had just brought the shirt that day and wasn't quite ready to give the formaldehyde a test run just yet. Luckily the black marks kind of work in with the pattern so no worries.
I found lots of markets over the weekend, and they are the best I have been to in Asia. So good times in general ,but also very exhausting. If only I had a dollar for every-time someone said 'you want watch sir, how about the DVD.' Then I could probably buy a couple of watches for every dozen propositions.
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